Once again I am typing disjointed and unfunny phrases in the hopes that someone will pay attention and maybe even enjoy it. I had meant to write something meaningful. I suppose I'll try that.
For several weeks, a theme has been recurring in my life. God has a different idea of who I should be than everyone else does.
Society, people, books, movies, TV, and well pretty much everything tell me what I should be doing. God tells me something else. The world says I need to be tough. I need to fight anyone and everyone who gets in my way or hurts me. It says that a real man is one who is tough.
God's wisdom seems to be a strange concept. When someone hurts me, my reaction is to march right up to them, look them in the eye, and then wallop them also in the eye. But here's what God says, in Proverbs 14:
29 Whoever is patient has great understanding,
but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.
but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.
And then in Chapter 15,
32 Better a patient person than a warrior,
one with self-control than one who takes a city.
one with self-control than one who takes a city.
God values patience and self-control more than the ability to fight well. Thats something I have a hard time understanding. I generally feel inferior to the guys who are tougher than I am. The ones who are strong and muscular and fight often seem to be more like...well...men.
I feel less worthy of the life I've been blessed with. But whats worse is that this desire to "be a man" overwhelms me sometimes. So I attempt to put aside my nature, which is to be patient and controlled and caring. I try to do so because I see strength and toughness as more worthy traits. Clearly God doesn't.
So why do I fight it? (Its not like there's a shortage of people who admire or even love that part of me.) God has given me a gift. He's given me a spirit already bent towards Him. (At least in this area.) And yet, in my effort to impress people or to prove something, I fight it.
Maybe those verses make it seem like God is looking for wusses. He's not. He's looking for the people who are strong, not as we see strength, but as He does. When people hurt us, when they trample us and back stab us, as they so often do. God asks us to do the impossible. No, not track them down and beat the living snot out of them. He wants us to be patient. And to go to Him. He wants us to pray for those who hurt us, those who only deserve our hate. And God asks us to love them.
Thats much easier said than done.
Sure, if your sibling does something selfish and stupid, you'll be mad. But eventually the natural affection we all have for family takes over. What if the person does something that the affection you might have had fizzles for good? Or you never had affection in the first place?We're still to forgive. And we're always to love.
Think of the person you most dislike, maybe even hate. Do you have it? Their image in your head? Now love them.
You're probably thinking what I'm thinking. Something like, "Wait. WHAT?!?! No, not ____, anyone but _____. I have to love _____? The Bible couldn't have meant that!" It did. I don't think God expects us to walk up to our greatest enemy and smother them in a passionate hug.
But pray for them. Genuinely want whats best for them. Forgive them. Don't hold a grudge. And if the time comes when God asks you to put aside your differences for His sake, be willing to do so.
Let me confess something. This is the hardest blog post I've ever written. I REALLY don't want to take my own advice. But it isn't really mine. Its God's. My hurt is great. I don't want to forgive this person. I want to hold onto a grudge and be mean and condescending at every chance I get. I want to make this person feel as worthless as I've felt because of them. And quite honestly...thats disgusting.
Its human, sure. Everyone does it at one point or another. But its not what God wants. Maybe the heart for peacefulness and forgiveness that God gave me was for this reason. Maybe God's preparing me to reach out to this person someday. Or this is practice for forgiving a future enemy. Or maybe someone who needs me to continue loving them through their mistakes. *shrugs* I don't really know. All I know is that, whatever anyone might think of me. I need to serve God. This will be a struggle. But I'll come out the other side better. I've already forgiven people I didn't think I could. Some several times. This is just another one of those moments.
Most people will see this God-given attitude of mine and think of it as weak. God doesn't. And with any luck, a few other people won't as well.
Sincerely,
A fuming Hiram
P.S. 25:9151412258151652015252085131142515214519518225
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