There are midnight snacks, and then there are Midnight Snacks.

I've been classified as many things. Crazy. Awesome. A King. Sweet. Cool. Nice. Annoying. Idiotic. Insensitive. Too sensitive. Stunningly handsome. A jerk. A wuss. The list goes on. And on and on and on. But there's one thing I can't remember ever being called, "The Eater of Odd and Potentially Vomit-Inducing Midnight Snacks."

And, frankly, Im disappointed. Its a title I think I've earned. Last night, for example. I logged off the computer at around midnight. The house was dead silent, with all its other occupants snoring and drooling in their beds. I stretched my computer-chair-weary legs. My empty stomach growled, effectively shattering the peacefulness from just a moment before. I was a little worried of Shiloh thinking some kind of woodland creature had entered our house without his permission. And that he would begin to protest.

I needed to fill my stomach quickly to avoid certain catastrophe. So, I ripped open the fridge. There was nothing worth eating. I tore through the cabinets one by one. Nothing. Nothing. Just some gross grape poptarts. (I wasn't THAT desperate.) Nothing. Nothing. And nothing. I sighed. It was hopeless. We had nothing to eat.

Just as I was about to scavenge for food in the basement, something caught my eye. Pita bread! It was just what I needed. I grabbed some, but after one bite, I realized it was far too bland by itself. It needed something. Something interesting.

The first thing that popped into my head was barbeque sauce. Again, I opened the fridge, this time with a mission. I grabbed the barbeque sauce, and, in a moment of inspiration rivaled only by the creation of aglets, snatched up the ranch dressing as well.

After spending about ten minutes dipping in the weird combination of sauces and then snacking on the strips of bread, I decided that it wasn't too terrible of a snack. Not that anyone will believe me. No one will be crazy enough to eat stuff like that. They'll do the "normal" thing and grab a piece of chocolate cake, or head over to Taco Bell. Meanwhile, Ill be sitting by myself at my table and happily munching on snacks that only cause shudders in most people.