"Listen here, Buddy. If you don't put that overly large biscuit back where it belongs in the next 4 seconds, I guarantee you that you'll end up with a bruise roughly the same size and shape of Oklahoma quicker than you can say 'My Uncle Scott's jackrabbit ripped out my pituary gland during a routine check-up.' Whatever you do, don't place it next to the dinosaur nostrils, you deranged dingbat. Unless you WANT a Idahoan bruise. Then by all means, test my patience."

Dear Person I Just Made Up,

HI! Im gonna name you Jeeves in the honor of another made-up guy who was named "Jeeves" off-handedly by yet another made-up guy. Confused? Yeah...thats ok. Your made-up brain can only handle so much. I'll give you a high-five for trying. "A" for "Affort", right?

From the bottomestliest deepest pit of my heart from which my wealth of love springs forth,
The Guy Who Invented You

P.S. If you don't mind, I'll use your name as a cover from now on. Whenever I want to write a scathing letter to someone but not actually use their name, I'll just use yours. Im sorry. Its nothing personal. Im not sure why I chose you...the name "Jeeves" just makes me laugh...