Sin is a funny thing. Not that its humorous, its just weird and strange. Some people are apathetic towards God and what He deemed to be "sin." They just live their lives. Then there are people who seem to go searching for every sin they can commit. I fall into a third category. I most definitely do not want to sin. Yet I do sin. Again and again.
I know that its wrong and only leaves me dealing with painful consequences, but I continue sinning. I know this seems out of the blue but God keeps reminding me of my knack for stepping outside of His will. I am "prone to wander" as the song puts it.
Earlier this week, someone I know was driving down Route 28 along a section of road that went about 40 mph. I'm unsure of exactly the nature of events since I wasn't there, but the general idea is that a teenager walked across the street without looking and nearly got a tackle-hug from an extremely heavy and speedy vehicle. I've been thinking about that. That's me.
No, not regarding my ability to cross the street, but rather my ability to avoid sin. I know what sin is, just like that kid understood that cars travelled along that road. I know its dangerous, just like he did. Yet I still walk into sin without keeping my eyes open for it. Why? Maybe I overestimate my goodness. Or maybe I underestimate the sneakiness of sin. Either way, sooner or later I become road-kill.
There's a reason Satan is called "the father of lies." He's good at it. Maybe he even invented it. And here I am charging into battle with an opponent who is more than my superior, without a second thought for some protection from the creator of that opponent. I think I can do it myself. I can will myself not to be corrupted. After all, I'm a good christian. And I'm pretty smart. Whats the worst that could happen?
*shakes head at self*
Sin is sneaky. Whether its lies, lust, jealousy, or even murder, it tends to sneak up on people. I think very few sane people set out saying, "I'm gonna lie compulsively" or "I want to murder people until I'm generally considered a despicable human being." I mean, the Bible is clear that we're inherently sinful, but there's still a conscience in all of us. Don't worry though, Satan is pretty good at getting around that. You see, our conscience only sees sudden movements. For whatever reason a gradual decay in our hearts or actions doesn't register.
I've learned that lesson in just about every conceivable way. When I was younger, if I heard the f-word, I'd cringe. Then I started hearing it more and more often. In movies, in public, in music and now at work. I can't escape it! And now I hardly notice it at all. Its just a normal word. I mean, it isn't quite. I certainly don't use it in everyday conversation. But there have been occasions when in the midst of violent convulsions after painfully stubbing my toe I can feel the word on my tongue. Its even come out once or twice. So what happened? How did I go from cringing and blushing at someone merely saying (and I quote) "The f-word" to letting the actual word slip out of my own mouth?
It didn't happen all at once. The first time I heard it I didn't just start saying it in every other sentence. (I still don't.) Its a slow decay in my conscience. I'm numb to it. Now I have to fight the urge to use it when I'm angry.
Or lust. Lust is something I've had more than my fair share of battles with. For a period in my short life, Satan used it to draw me away from God. And it worked. But in the end I stopped fighting it myself and let God take it away from me. Through that process I learned a lot. About me, about sin, and about God.
It always started innocently enough. A genuine (and innocent) curiosity about sex. I'd think about it, wonder about it and try to figure out the whole mysterious thing. There wasn't anything wrong with a 14 year old being inquisitive about that sort of thing. The problem came in when I didn't think about the danger of those thoughts without the right kind of armor against sin. So before long, my thoughts made the all too easy transition from curiosity to lust. And it caused far too many painful consequences for me. I'd like to say I'm immune now that I've learned my lesson. Not exactly. I'm as weak as ever. My heart is as deceptive and easily deceived as it was.
I have to imagine that's roughly how people become murderers. Maybe through an unstable mind, or some circumstances that push them too far. But its a process. One that they don't see coming. Sometimes I wonder what separates me from the sickos of the world. God says that before I was saved, not much separated me and them. I was just as much of a sinner. That's scary.
Here I sit. Once a dirty, rotten sinner. I was disgusting to God. But then He saved me. He made me clean and pure and holy. And I thank Him by continually returning to my sin. Over and over again, Satan deceives me with his slow, patient corruption of my heart. He takes it one step at a time, carefully avoiding setting off my conscience's alarms by moving too quickly.
Maybe I wouldn't see an "R" rated movie right now, but if I saw a few similar PG-13 movies that were nearly "R" I might consider watching the "R" movie. Because its not that much different from the other movies, right? Before I know it, I'm soaking in violence that will fuel my mood swings, watching sex scenes that awaken some lust, and being bombarded with hundreds of swears that will come out sooner or later (and probably both.)
So how is this stopped? Where do I put my foot down? There are two answers to that. 1. I don't. 2. Somewhere. Just put it down.
YOU don't have to put your foot down. If you did, it wouldn't stay there. You need to give God the controls and handcuff yourself to a sturdy metal bar somewhere. Whatever you do, don't take control back.
Now regarding where to put your foot down. The Bible doesn't always say EXACTLY where. Its a personal issue. The Bible tells us where sin is and isn't. Its up to us to know our weaknesses and pick a safe distance. Then take several huge steps back. Be uncomfortably Godly. The more squirmy your sinful heart is, the better. You'll be forced to find comfort in God. Which is really the whole point.
I pray that God gives me all that I need to be Godly. I'm going to stumble through it at times. Thats a given. Thankfully, God has already promised forgiveness. We already have it. Thats not an excuse to continue in sin, rather its freedom to run from it with all the speed we can muster. Do you see that line God tells us not to cross? Don't cross it. And, if at all possible, be too far away to even see it.
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