The warm, cushioned scent of leather. The crinkle and swish of new pages, which have yet to be turned by human fingers. The rise of hope in my heart and the dread in my gut. All these things clamor for my attention as I pick up a new journal. Besides the outward aesthetics that I love so much, journals draw me to them. They look like ancient books. (At least, the good journals do. The silly, flower-encrusted ones hold no joy for my eyes.) I can't help but imagine some sailor holding it through rainstorms and sea-battles with fearsome pirates. I can see him scrawling coordinates, habits of the crew and captain, and details of all the luscious pirate beards he has managed to lay his eyes on.
There are stories in journals. Maybe some poetry, or a few lyrics may be penned from time to time. But, more than all this, I see myself in the brand new pages of a journal. I see weeks and months of my life just waiting to be put down and forced onto paper. I see triumphs and failures. I see laughter and tears, music and silence, love and fear. I see me. That both thrills my soul and makes me tremble. What if I write down a life-changing event? What if every day is filled with stories to tell, and adventures to share, and love to sing about? Or what if it's a massive disappointment?
What if I look back and see a time in my life where I didn't live as I should have? What if I merely survived? What if this journal is marred by my own mistakes? A journal is as dangerous as it is comforting. It grabs me and forces me to look around me. I can't stumble through life with my eyes closed. Not when everyday needs to be put down on paper. I need to look around. I can guarantee that there will be both good and bad things to be told. Things I'll regret and others I'll be proud of. It's one thing to write a story of my own imagination, where I decide the ups and downs and glorious triumph at the end. I'm not in control with this narrative. Only God is. It's just a tiny piece of the story He's telling, but it's also hugely important.
This is the story of how I learn to love Him with my life. And it's one I'll enjoy writing down.
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