TO's

I like to think that conceit isn't something that plagues me. But thats just arrogance on my part. I'm no better than anyone else. I'm still human. I still struggle. Well, thats the lesson I learned today. Several days ago I read a blog post written by someone very dear to me. It was about losing the desire to work in a relationship. I'll admit, I wasn't too worried about making the same mistake. Thats only for couples who've been together for decades, right? Not quite.


It turns out I got distracted too. Not without good reason. I mean, I'm 17 I have a job with tons of hours, I'm studying the Bible with my pastor in the hopes of serving as a pastor, I have a girlfriend I desperately want to marry, I'm trying to wrap up high school, and get going on college. Its a lot. I barely have time to write this. As it is, I'm cutting into my precious 8 hours of pure happiness period. And thats after not sleeping much last night. Add to the mix some serious struggles with anxiety. (WHAT on Earth caused that, i wonder...) With all these things weighing on me, I haven't always been pleasant. I've been a grump.


Which is fine. I mean, Meg still loves me. She patiently hugs the bad moods out of me. And with all these things putting immense pressure on us, we've made it over 14 months of dating with only one real fight. Also, we've barely spent any time apart for over a year. Its been amazing. I've loved every minute. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Im so comfortable around her. I can tell her absolutely anything. I love her so much.


Craziness or no craziness, I've let things slip. I can't remember the last letter I wrote her. Im gonna make sure that changes. Sure, my sappy mind is still here. I've been planning many, many things. But its not the same when its years away. I need to do things NOW. I get that marriage isn't a constant state of making gooey faces at your spouse. I know its not all sunshine and roses. (Dating sure as heck isnt perfect either.) I'm ok with that. I know we'll have our fights. I know we'll have rough patches. It doesn't make me love her less.


I'm sort of learning a balance. The intense feelings of teenage love can't (and shouldn't) be maintained over a lifetime. Its impossible. And thats fine. Real life can be pretty great too. Better, usually. As a wise woman once said, There is a surprising amount of romance in doing the mundane tasks of life mundanely with someone you love. (Thats a paraphrase.) Its just life. And I'm ecstatic that mine will be filled with goofy trips to Walmart and jokes that we have together. I honestly believe we'll spend forever being King and Queen of Kemenbar. (Another thing I've let slip.)


What brings this upon my peaceful, simple blog, you ask? Today brings it. Rather a slight twist in the grooming habits of a certain someone. She showered last night. And let her hair dry while she slept. The result was a frizzy, curly, adorable mess. I loved it. It drove me crazy. On top of that, she put the slightest bit of makeup on today. "Just for you" she told me. That was it. I was done. Out for the count. Full-on puppy dog, sappy, mushy mess. Thats me. I was a puddle again tonight. I can't remember being THAT twitterpated. There hasn't ever been a moment where I didn't think she was beautiful. Nor one where I wasn't in love. But this, this was a different feeling entirely. Her eyes were the only things in the room. I can't describe it. Not with every poetic bone in my body.


If I COULD describe it, I'd know it wasn't as amazing as it felt.Why such a change? I don't know. Maybe just the act of her *trying* to turn me into a puddle did it. I just know that the nervousness I felt tonight was a million times better than when we first started.


I want to do the same for her. I don't quite know how. Maybe I'll ask her. I guess I'll just keep being sappy. I'll write letters and notes and Facebook wall posts. Ill hope that she doesn't get bored. I'll pray that the 3,482,100th "I love you" means more that the 1st.


Now. Allow me to use this sturdy platform of mine to send this girl a message.


Dear Megan,


I. Love. You. Ok? Don't let that be background noise. Its not something I'm "just" saying. Its something I'm begging you to hear. Its every smile, every chivalrous thing I do, and every kiss I've ever given you, all packed into three teeny tiny words.


So let me say it again. I love you. Lots. Tons. Vast amounts. I don't care if some days we just can't find sappiness. Maybe we'll just be comfortable sitting on the couch watching a movie. Maybe we won't need to go out to dinner. Lets make sure we see the romance in every day life. Never forget how much I love you. 


Please know that I don't need you to wear make up to be madly in love. I don't need you to change the way you look. I adore everything about you. Still, I would ask that you join me in shaking things up whenever we get in a rut. Do something unexpected. I'll make sure I do too. Lets just have fun, ok? I want to be married 50 years and still staring into your eyes like they're the only things in the room. Lets show all the boring, cynical people how its done. Somewhere there's a realistic balance of how to stay in love. We'll never find. I don't really care. I'm just happy I have someone to always help me look.


Always,
YSG