Time Itself

In the space of time that it took our good and watchful friend, The Sun, to float from one horizon to the other, I was whacked, bobbled, and introduced to Father Time. We greeted each other, shook hands awkwardly and made small talk. He told me all about his three kids. I pretended to look interested at the pictures of them. It was a strange thing for me, seeing Past, Present, and Future all in one place. I took it in stride.


You see, today I was confronted with all the parts of my life. It started with me going into my old workplace to pick up my final paycheck. There's the present. It was a weird feeling walking out of that "Employees Only" area for the last time.


Also, I swung by my NEW workplace today. I start there tomorrow. Im terrified about that. I know nothing about what it'll be like. I don't know how long I'll stay there. All I know is that this door was opened by God and I intend to walk through it cheerfully. Its time to move on. Its time to follow the God who gave me everything I need and more than I could have dreamed.


Now about The Past. I got lost on my way home today. Somehow I managed to get onto Warner Hill Road. I was driving on it for a good ten minutes when I realized why the name sounded familiar. I had run on that road dozens of times while on the CCS soccer team. At least I was unlost. But then I was stuck with a flood of memories, both good and bad. Thats in my past now. I'm glad it happened, but Im more glad its over.


I don't really know anymore. I used to have distinct sections of time in my brain. They didn't overlap much. That was old Nate, this is now Nate, and that over there is future Nate. It was simple. Now those walls are beginning to crumble. Im taking my life as a whole.


With that outlook comes some strange thoughts. Today was a landmark day. I got a nice surprise. I am now allowed to have my arm around a certain cute girl in church. I remember being told a year ago that the subject would be breached a year from then. I thought that year would drag by. It didn't.


So there I was tonight, struggling to get my arm to move. It felt wrong somehow. After being off limits for a year, my brain was programmed not to. As I was nervously sitting there, I remember being three days into dating and being told I could hold Meg's hand. We were sitting in the back yard. I told her that I wanted to hold her hand. She said that she felt the same way. I expected our hands to move together. Thats reasonable, right? Nosireebob. Her hands stayed planted on her lap. I said (and I quote) "You're gonna make me reach for it?" She smiled and said, "Yup." I knew right then why I liked her. I did reach for it. It was far from scary. I loved it. I love it even more a year later.


I smile when I think about that memory. I seemed so young and nervous. But I'm way too mature for that now, right? Im beyond that. Not quite. My heart was pounding tonight as I fought yet another batch of butterflies. My how I missed that feeling. But it came again. I thought it was in my past, but it was also in my present. And I'm willing to bet I'll feel it in the future. Maybe thats how it should be. Life isn't about reminiscing about the past. Nor enjoying the present. Nor expectantly awaiting the future. Its about all three. All three at once.