Give Up Ham

I love A Rocket To The Moon. They're one of my favorite bands. Unfortunately, one of their songs is entitled, "Give A D***" Which makes it hard to sing along to. So with the inspiration of a certain girl's idea, I went to work. These are my reworked lyrics. The meaning may or may not have changed slightly in translation, but at least it can now be comfortably sung. Enjoy the silliness. (Note: I wrote this in about an hour, if that adds to its impressiveness.)

Give Up Ham

                                           

She likes the taste of honey glazed

Spiral cuts leave her amazed

She even eats it with gravy sometimes

It tastes good like she knew it would

She always has to make extra one

Just to let me have a bite

(Just one!)

I test her love

When I ask for another try

Now I wonder

If it’s worth the black eye

She bakes ham all night

And eats all day

She’s gaining a slightly larger waist

But she doesn’t know of my plan

Oh when she sees the truth

Then I’ll be dead

Im dreading that hambone to the head

But she doesn’t know of my plan

To get her to give up ham

She doesn’t eat any other meats

Only ham and the same goes

For a guy like me

I threw out all of my turkey

Bacon and the moldy bologna

But that was not enough

So she burned all my meatloaf

I tested her love

When I asked for one last bite

But I know it was worth

The black and blue side

She bakes ham all night

And eats all day

She’s gaining a slightly larger waist

But she doesn’t know of my plan

Oh when she sees the truth

Then I’ll be dead

Im dreading that hambone to the head

But she doesn’t know of my plan

To get her to give up ham

Someday she’ll try

To give up ham

Cold turkey

Someday she’ll find

She doesn’t need it

She just needs me

Until then, Im stuck eating ham

For a while, Im just…hmm

She bakes ham all night

And eats all day

She’s gaining a slightly larger waist

But she doesn’t know of my plan

Oh when she sees the truth

Then I’ll be dead

Im dreading that hambone to the head

But she doesn’t know of my plan

To get her to give up ham

And someday she’ll hear of my plan,

Then maybe she’ll give up ham

Feel free to listen to the song while reading this. It fits, I promise. And now I shall leave you with an obscure lyric that seems to be worthy to be penned here today.

"If I could read your mind, Girl, would I find any trace of me at all?"

Thats all, I guess. Fare thee well, Faithful Readers.